+++MY STORY OF LIFE+++

tHe OnLy ThiNg I reGRet Is That i Didn’T LIstEn
tO mY heArt. & remember –
you don’t
make mistakes – you just learning
– whatever the question is, love is the
answer – know you’re not alone!! SO: BELIEVE (btw: great song) – BE THE CHANGE
YOU WANNE SEE & START WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR(great songs to) All is one
like all religion is one, there’s only light!!! TIP To all my girls: BEWARE OF
THE DOG in the dog ***i JUST had a dream*** I’m just a female from a big family
(5 bro’s and 4 sisters) there was always someone i could play or fight with!
where’s the rabbet hole???. VERY DISTRUCTIVE ONCE, hated myself, wanted to die,
when I started to be caught up in the media, needed to be better then someone
else, I hated it, but I had to do it, never could understand why i was alive…
i needed to know why????????????????????? Never got that answer so I did what
they do….I’ve been married with my high school lover, it al started so perfect
in my head, I saw him as my God…, but they never believed in me, only sex….
so was it real???? what is real??? who am i?????? starting to take the shit,
drugs whatever, when I met him…, everything to do the opposite from what was
told to do… i believed we we were doing it together, and i couldn’t get
enough of it, but the inside, is always right… i couldn’t hurt that, even if
they killed me,… i just wanted to act normal so they would leave me alone,
and what seemed normal was not normal to me, when i took shit, i could act like
that – that went wrong after i only seemed to want that not more and being
alone, didn’t want people no more, animals i loved always, they showed love,
people just asked question because they need answers they even don’t have, so
how dare they ask… but i couldn’t understand human, and i was one myself, i
hated it, so wanted to die, because what could I do, they will never listen,
thinking that is being that…….it was all a game to me, and I let myself like
water in the drain caught up in that…I wanted to stop the same thing over and
over again, so I needed to remember…also know your history, not the one they
tell you from one point of view (like if Hitler won, how do you think the
history books will look then???? Aha… so how they are written now, you just have
to know…wake up and remember, or go play my role, whatever, I can’t tell you
what to do, I couldn’t tell me either… Don’t do it all over again, and again,
and again, ….. get it…. as myself didn’t wanne take the ride that was
giving to me, but i just wanted to get out of here…. out of my head… stop
living lies, yes where is the love….. i kept it up for 8 years + divorced, my
ego just had to die…. it needed to happen, so much I holded on in believing I
could make him happy, but I wasn’t, I needed to be happy first…. Aha but he
just didn’t understand me, i couldn’t love myself knowing that after 8 years,
he didn’t knew me at all, only the role i had to play…. his toy… you know
that story over a girl who does everything for a dipshit, well, i’m one of them
to, and the opposite I’ve been to… I couldn’t stop talking about the right
thing, he kept hitting me down, I was blue, broken, no more tears left to cry,
burning eyes, I falled down, with no hope no more, because if my only true
love, could do that, and didn’t understand either, who am I to judge?????????.
never wanted to put a child in this fucked up world, like this I could never be
a good mother, so what’s left: again wanne die there had to be another way, it
had to be, because otherwise, this couldn’t be either. Stoped living in fear
and bla bla bla. But I was still scared….. I felt like all sharks could eat me,
so I found a way to be invisible to them… and it was ugly…. i just couldn’t
look at myself and smile, or feel beautiful, that would be a shame…. and
why????? i didn’t want to live that way, so why???? why did they make me feel
that way, why did i think i had to feel this way, thinking thinking, stop the
thinking, feel your thinking kim, or it gets wors, just let it be, let it go,
let it all go, (like a leaf that is afraid to fall in the water, because it
doesn’t know what’s gonne happen, if it does, its like floating happily on the
water, thinking, was I afraid of this, how stupid????? don’t think you are or
do, be as you are… that was crazy to be???? euh???? Wtf why??? After that
journey, i still didn’t learn my lesson, probably we humans are so used to deal
with shit so i just learned to love it (samskara here, samskara there, samskara
oeps its everywhere, ego ego, ego everywhere just trough it out- away in the
air) 😉 so I’ve been the girl from two other wannebee dealers, I didn’t deside
that, they desided it for me, funny you know, but I watched and learned, they
killed me, yes, they raped me, to, but I had to love it…I never knew what
making love is, still don’t… lol, well they say, if you don’t know, you don’t
so……I let the one take me away with the other, dogs, I could shout them….in
that time i just didn’t care, if they ruled and thought that, I let them, like
they always let me…, because i just let them use me so i could move up to a
better place, actually I was using them and learn from they stupid behavior and
mine to, and could see how they lied and played, and if I spoke true, I just
couldn’t do that, they go nuts, and acted like no one knows…. Right, its like
everybody acts that way, I don’t wonne be cauth up in that illusion, raise the
head high so they wont see I’m hurt, fuck you all, this are feeling, how can
they be really like that, do they know????? Can they learn???? How can I help????
well i was always good in doing the opposit, so why not show them how it works,
they can do the wrong thing, well then they can’t stop me no more from doing
the right thing, i started to see, don’t hurt me, because you get hurt, ten
times harder, its something in me, know it, be it, see it, and don’t let them
joke around with you, they love to play with fire, but i learned, and faster
and faster… they didn’t take me seriously, that was good, because life was
just a game, why did it get start serious if I was free, livin free, why they
kept pushing me back and back, well, they stop you were they are once stoped, a
bad habit, but not there fault., well, in my head it started to be fun, because
i knew this game you just can’t win, so why not loose it, and feel like the
winner, and make him feel like a winner if he dumps me, but noooooo i had to
stab him in his back with a knife to get rid of him, i shocked myself, that i
could do that, i had no more control, i new this feeling to well….so i just
letted it go, i just stayed with someone because i know inside we are all good,
if they don’t wont to believe it, i had to accept there choice, even if they
didn’t with mine, that’s why, always making me crazy while it was crazy that i
could handle that shit, i believed it as hell, that’s why i loved hell, because
i could burn like fire without getting burned, i could even make the devil
scared…. so who am i?????? and so I called myself Godangel, because
everything I once lost, was God, and you know the only thing how you can kill
dark is with light but you can’t kill light, well, that fire, is that light, before
i felt i was Devilsangel, you see know???? do you seee it now?????????? The name
GodsAngeL is just my Place with God, I’m his angel and he loves me, like he
loves you all. so love the change, lol, always had to act like they don’t,
doing everything what you are not supose to do but then for the heart, never
act on what they think but still better, recognizing the ego, that i still had
to know…anyway so now i’m finally here and i don’t hide no more, or at least
i think so hehe 😉 its hard sometimes if you think that, hehe, i am, and not in
the head, but I always will be my head, so work with your ego, kabbalah is a
good way for that, it works within, its fun, i believe in true love, back to
innocence, dicks or just man, they didn’t knew either, but to never live in
that fear again, i wanne stay alone, i always knew their would be someone for
me, well i forgot about God, i always thought i was doing the right thing, even
it was so wrong for all, when it felt right, if felt right, nothing to stop
that… only thinking can stop that…. so feel with the head and think with
the heart, like they do the otherway around, we learned it wrong true
situations, now we can make it right…. i didn’t knew that back then, thats
why it felt so wrong and was right, but wrong people talked about that, when
they wanted to cheat, so i was really confused. what was i?????? I great
pretender, who did I wanted to satisfy??  Man??? Why??????????? or at least i thought we
were only here to make children or to give them sex… what???? i always was
naive, they new that, so i had to learn…. but i learned from people who
learned from wors etc… so when i hear a true person i feel it, like you all…
whole my life i felt and tried to skip that part, emotionless etc, block it all
out, because God had to be the joke, to feel, is hahaha, well, now I know why
they say that, because when you love there is no fear and what about the money
then, its just like toiletpaper, only its not that soft….now i really felt
shame,did i do that for so long…. I starting to remember…now i feel people
and they feel me, i love that, how could i didn’t know that, how could I forget
that, true the system and media, the people who act like sheep in it, could I still,
say beeee beeee, it didn’t sound right… why they don’t teach right stuff, only
wrong, egosatisfying shit, why????? fuck man, i got pist, had to go to the law
because i was in jail for a day, because i stabed him, he told the story that i
wanted to kill him, with that intention, well if he says that, i’m like, why
not, let him, lucky was God nice to me, and all people that crossed my path,
saw me for real, and helped me, i was amazed, i didn’t understand, why they
helped me…. i was being me…..could that be it….???? still afraid but to
share good energy, we can make the world a better place together, i promise
you, if i can come from killing myself, and rock bottom, anyone can….i’m
nothing in this world, and true that I’m everything?????euh, so funny,
everything starts to be, like there will always be sun and always be rain, why
not love both??????????????????? why hate one thing if we can love it all….,
so you can learn because this planet is like a school, where we have to learn
to love one another and then we can turn things around, its not about the
money, we just are trapped in the system, we participate in ourself, to be save
while we never felt it, that’s why we don’t know better…you all deserve heaven,
well, hear this, its within you…. whatever you did, it is not what you are, I
TRULY DEEPLY MADLY HEHE LOVE YOU ALL – and I could not do that, if there was no
God in this all… likewise with others – but i can’t jump for shit no more, its
time to act, SHIT does TALK REMEMBER and for tha girls: i love all my girls,
because i understand, SO DEEP what you all feel, I sooooooooooooo pray for all
of us, everyday, Never give up where you truly believe in, you are a pearl, BE
IT – all of you, we are all one, as soon as we see that, know that, and being
that, we will rise to God Knows were, well i’m flying already BUT I WONT LEAF
WITHOUT ALL OF YOU – YOU HEARD ME – EVEN IF IT WOULD KILL ME – I WILL BE FOR
YOU WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED – JUST BY BEING THE BEST I CAN – , i don’t need to
take anyone under my wing, you all have wings, we all can fly… always listen
to your heart.=), it’s not because i was so good (one off the best actually,
not that i’m proud but why shame???????) in wanted the worst that it has to be
like that forever, but stop your thinking in the head, IT IS JUST AN ACTION –
LIKE A CLOUD IS A THOUGHT AND IT FAITHS AWAY – really and FEEL WITH YOUR MIND
and THINK WITH YOUR HEART (a heart has a brain, did you know, lol, USE IT), YOU
HAVE A LIGHTBODY – if you can’t stop thinking just feel, otherwise your stuck
in the head, and that is just hopeless, that is what you feel, don’t be a
wannebe she’s got that thing because then life is an illusion and you can go on
and on like that, its whatever you please… if you wAnt mess, you can get it,
no one will bother, lol, you gotte do it yourself, just like nike. JUST DO IT –
but then, JUST BE IT – Only if you are truly happy you can do good for others,
otherwise its just your ego telling you that you are doing the right thing, and
it wont make people feel better, the ego tricks you, your heart is always honest!
& for the rest I’m 13 times aunt. (big family) I am not the youngest or the
oldest but right in the middle with another bro who’s 7 years older than me,
yes… my mom took a break, before she went further with it all. She always
wonted to have 10 children, 5 guy’s and 5 girls, so God has given her that and
again for the rest, I remember when we were yough there were so many fights, in
the family, with eachother, now when times changed, more love is there, no more
fights, or trouble, because when there is, we stick like glue, we always have,
and that’s why I was like that, and sticked like glue to make wrong right. I had
it from home, my parents, they are pure love, in a fucked up system like this,
they survived even me….. all my brothers and sisters, I respect them so, if
they only would see the real me, then they also can start to be…. So I’m trying
to be free and let all be free, i am that i am, and if i am, you are to, and
being is forever. we all should talk and not be in shame for what we have done
or have been true, take responsibility and start creating yourself for the
better, not worse, just ask yourself, do i wanne live in fear or do i embrace
it all with love, because someone who knows love, has no fear; so find you
fears, they will bring you to you highest goals. just wanted to share a story
from my point of view, like anyone has one, with love, kim +++++ VOODOODOLL
+++++++ —-> LOL (an inside joke) 
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